I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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