I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I touched a dick in church today
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
there is glitter all over my balls
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