Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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