I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
