bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Randomize
