we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
