I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
