Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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