he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
