Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
