I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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