Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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