I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
he fucked my hip out of place.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
