How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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