Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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