I seem to have left my pride at pride
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
