Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Welp...herpes.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
