flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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