who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
