I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
