I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
