and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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