I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
