Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
All the doctor said was why
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
