just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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