You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
