Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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