mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
