why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
