It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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