Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
