I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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