You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
