Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
