It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
