Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
