he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
