the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
