My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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