The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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