she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
