He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
