i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
