addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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