he puts the penis in happiness.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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