my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
