Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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