drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
