remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
