What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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