laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
