I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
